My Humble Opinion: How to End American Economic Troubles

Any American with ears and eyes can experience the decline of our nation. Standing at the brink of destruction, theorists and scientists are trying to figure out a way to prevent our home from collapsing at the hands of the rest of the forsaken world. But I have looked to our predecessors of England, and I believe I have discovered just the solution to our economic depression and class struggles!

England during the middle ages, prior to about the 1300s, had grown into a feudal system. The peasantry class suffered, farming the little fiefs they could grasp, if lucky, and dying in a system that barely let them look at the upper classes. And then something glorious happened (not the glorious revolution, at least, not yet anyway).

Some people called it the Great Pestilence; others, the great plague. Most today know the event as the Black Plague. In 1348-1350, England specifically suffered mass deaths, about 1/3^rd of the population, including about half of the peasant population.

Some are against the term peasant, and please, for the sake of simple and understandable explanation, accept it as the name for this lowest of socio-economic classes.

Now these people, who made up the majority of England’s population before the plague, made livings farming the land for the higher lords. They scrounged and survived.

And then the plague came and wiped out half of their numbers. While before they competed heavily with one another for survival and wages (meaning low-competitive pay and small benefits), they now had less competition as a farming class (higher demand for pay, less competition). This led to the emergence of middle class culture in England, where the lowly class could begin demanding higher pay, more rights and it created the social world we Americans could recognize as a golden age!

So then, have we not reached a similar point? In America, the middle class is struggling to stay alive. The lower class is becoming vast and competitive as the job market overflows into the unemployment lines. What does this mean, then, for the world to come? Are we not the pre-plague England staggering to stay standing?

The examples of the 1% versus the 99% should prove my point exceedingly. In England, it is believed about 9 in 10 people before the plague were of this lowest peasant class. That means, today’s America is in a much more dangerous situation and social divide!

Now, I have built up to this, because on the surface it looks cruel and dastardly. What you can easily see now, of course, is that we have reached a necessary juncture in our history.

We must spread a plague.

Who will be the first to go, most likely? Well, we talk so heavily about survival of the fittest and Darwin, so naturally the weak. The people bringing down the health of our nation!

Those welfare recipients and drug users will of course have less money to take care of themselves, the sick will be susceptible, anyone living in unclean-urban areas, the homeless will go pretty quickly and don’t forget the people who dry out our system by relying on free healthcare. A good, old plague could clean out all of these social infestations.

Of course, moral issues will arise, and then the worries of what to do with the bodies. Well, I have solutions for both!

First, remember morality is subjective. Is it moral to leave an economic debt and system of social injustice for the future generations? Our sacrifice now could save the future of our country—no, the future of the world. Death is inevitable, and for those unwilling to fight the disease, it will just be a bit sooner than previously expected! That’s not too major of a change. Think of it as being asked to leave work early because the factory can’t afford to pay a person anymore: this country can no longer afford to support the potential dead either. It is being “laid off,” if you will, much like our country is already doing in vast numbers. This time, however, it will lead to a long term solution!

As well, on the face of it, disease is not particular in its choice of host! Sure, it spreads to those with weaker immune systems, but that does not mean it avoids the strong and healthy. Everyone will have the same chance of contracting a sickness, besides a few, lingering exceptions. If everyone can potentially catch whatever disease we choose to administer, then how can it be ethically unfair? Like many, I am against class warfare!

Now the bodies become quite an issue, assuming we can take out a large number of the sacrifices. While there are probably not enough funeral service corporations ready for such a task, I recommend looking to methods of the past: mass graves, burnings and the like. With so many people dying, it is fair to think the necessity for mourning (especially with such a grand task of fixing our nation) wouldn't become much of an issue. Instead, each family member should realize it was his or her dead love’s job and responsibility to serve his or her country! Just as a soldier dies in war, so must a citizen die in plague to protect our future safety.

Understand I am willing to make this sacrifice myself. I will step up, breath in and accept any pathogen that enters my body. If I fight it off and continue living, I hope to see the America of tomorrow cleaned, healthy and growing! You and I will both alike face the threat of death, and one of us will likely come out living and strong. On the other hand, in the situation we face now, we will both end up suffering at the hands of this dying system. We must volunteer to be sacrifices to the future!

Much like a leg must be amputated to save the body in certain cases, we must agree to amputate the parts of our country that are poisonous and destructive!

Now some will say, specifically the highest and lowest of classes, “this will destroy the America we’ve come to love, and our people will suffer!” But I call folly, as that America has already been destroyed. No longer do eagles fly over the skies and call out freedom. No more do fields of wheat wave in purple skies, waiting to become a wholesome life for thousands of Americans. No longer can the American dream be achieved by all.

By skimming a crusty layer off of the population, we can once again give everyone that chance!

Many will also say that a redistribution of wealth seems a better choice. That might be true—that is, if you only wish to facilitate the weaker class which has consistently proven that it cannot support itself.

The poor and the unhealthy have majorly cornered themselves. If they would stop having children, their debt could lessen. If they would only not go to college, they could avoid being drowned in loans. If the lowest class would settle into their place, then plague would not be necessary! Supporting those who have already proven themselves mostly incapable of correcting their own situations would only lead America further into destruction!

For these reasons I recommend plague for the economic and social future of this country. We must sacrifice the physical health of the individuals for the overall health of the whole!

While the plague of choice may be up to the president or congress when they review this plan, I recommend genetic mutations of already known diseases (as some will show a resilience initially, and the stronger will survive), or something similar to Y. pestis.

It is up to us to nourish the future, be it with the passing on of strong genes, or as martyrs, compost and fuel of the future!

*** This is a satirical piece. Killing people is immoral. I do not believe the things written in this piece of creative writing, in fact, I believe quite the opposite. It is an exaggeration, meant to appear insane... because it is insane.

satire (as defined by Google dictionary)

-The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues